• Brandie June

Good Morning Princess (Short Play)

Updated: May 25, 2019


Seth Thygesen, Sarah Morris, Directed by Graydon Schlichter

Today I'd like to share a fun little short play I wrote that's a take on Sleeping Beauty. I initially wrote it for Passages, a short play collection put on by Theatre Unleashed. In fact, if you want to see a promo for Passages, you can watch that here, which included a few clips from Good Morning Princess. Hope you enjoy!


Good Morning Princess

By Brandie June


Briar Rose: A sweet princess of 30, well, 130 years old.


Prince: A dashing young ‘prince’ in his early twenties.


Setting: 1355. The very old and very dusty bedchamber of Briar Rose. There are thorny roses growing in cracks and Princess Briar Rose lies asleep on the bed.

At Rise: Briar Rose is asleep on the bed. She occasionally stirs, and is about to wake.

Prince rushes in. Sprays breathe freshener in his mouth. Leans over to kiss Briar Rose, but gags on her bad breath. Opens her mouth and sprays some mint in her mouth.


PRINCE

(Turning away from Briar Rose, practicing to himself)

Good day, sweet Princess, I have awoken you from your long slumber. No… Good morrow my love, I have saved you from this endless darkness. Naw, that’s not right. Awaken fair maiden. (Goes over to one of the rose bushes and plucks a flower.) A rose for my rose.

(Meanwhile, Briar Rose is waking up. She starts to sit up at the same moment the Prince turns back to her and plants a huge, possibly slobbery kiss on her mouth.)

Yo babe, time to get up!


BRIAR ROSE

Excuse me?!? How dare you kiss me!


PRINCE

But your highness, I was merely waking you from your spell. You were cursed to sleep a hundred years, and I have awoken you with a kiss.


BRIAR ROSE

I am familiar with my own curse, thank you very much. And I was well on my way to waking up on my own, again, thank you very much. The curse clearly stated that I would sleep for a hundred years, there was nothing about needing a kiss.


PRINCE

(A bit deflated) Are you sure?


BRIAR ROSE

Very sure.


PRINCE

Not even just a quick peck? Maybe you just needed a tiny kiss.


BRIAR ROSE

Yeah, no.


PRINCE

Well, maybe that part was added to the legend. You know, you’ve been asleep a long time. People talk.


BRIAR ROSE

I don’t know how you get from ‘long sleep’ to needing a kiss to wake up.


PRINCE

Maybe they thought that way sounded more romantic. You know, those older generation were pretty nostalgic. After all, my grandfather was always going on about how things were so much better back in the 13th century. And your time must have been when my great-great-great-grandfather was ruling.


BRIAR ROSE

Thanks for rubbing it in.


PRINCE

What?


BRIAR ROSE

I feel so old!


PRINCE

I’m sorry, I didn’t mean it like that. You look great for being a hundred years old.


BRIAR ROSE

I’m a hundred and… thirty!

(Begins to cry)


PRINCE

I thought you were supposed to prick your finger on your 18th birthday.

(Briar Rose cries harder.)

I’m sorry, I mean you don’t look a day over 18.


BRIAR ROSE

My father was worried about the curse, so we delayed celebrating my 18th birthday. When I turned 30, we thought we had outsmarted the curse.


PRINCE

So you celebrated your birthday?


BRIAR ROSE

Yes.


PRINCE

Wow.


BRIAR ROSE

What?


PRINCE

Well, I knew you’d be over a hundred, I just didn’t think you’d be thirty.

(Briar Rose starts crying again.)

No, sorry, I didn’t mean that. Hey, cheer up. With modern medicine, you have an excellent chance of living into your forties, maybe even fifties.


BRIAR ROSE

Really?


PRINCE

Certainly! And… I even like a more mature woman.


BRIAR ROSE

How old are you?


PRINCE

That is irrelevant. Anyway, my love-


BRIAR ROSE

Your love? You just met me.


PRINCE

Yes, but this is how the story goes. My love, now that I have sorta waken you, I offer you this rose, as token of my affections.

(Prince hands Briar Rose the rose.)


BRIAR ROSE

Well, it is very lovely. Ouch, I just pricked myself on a thorn. Oh no, here we go again. I’m getting sleepy, I’m sure of it. Everything is getting dark! I’m going to have to sleep for another hundred years. Look at what you’ve done!

(She swoons dramatically, but doesn’t fall asleep.)


PRINCE

Princess?


BRIAR ROSE

Yes?


PRINCE

Are you asleep?


BRIAR ROSE

Not yet.


PRINCE

(The Prince gives it a moment.)

How about now?


BRIAR ROSE

Ummm, no. (Sits up.) Ok, maybe I won’t fall asleep again, but that wasn’t a nice thing to do. I have some truly justified PTSD.


PRINCE

Sorry, no more flowers.


BRIAR ROSE

I didn’t say that. But it would be polite to make sure the thorns are removed.


PRINCE

Duly noted.


BRIAR ROSE

So, it’s really been a hundred years?


PRINCE

Yep, it’s 1355.


BRIAR ROSE

Wow. So what’s new?


PRINCE

You mean in the last hundred years? Well, a few years ago, a plague took out about a third of the population.


BRIAR ROSE

That’s awful.


PRINCE

Times are tough. Another war broke out, and really, with the way it’s going, this war feels like it might just last a hundred years.


BRIAR ROSE

I kinda wish I was still asleep.


PRINCE

Nonsense! You’re a princess and you’re awake, life is good. Now Princess (getting down on one knee) will you marry me and rule all the land with me?


BRIAR ROSE

The land that’s in a hundred year war?


PRINCE

Oh no, let the English and French deal with that.


BRIAR ROSE

What kingdom do you actually rule?


PRINCE

I rule (mumbles something incoherent).


BRIAR ROSE

I’m sorry, what was that?


PRINCE

I rule (mumbles again).


BRIAR ROSE

I’m sorry, I didn’t catch that.


PRINCE

Ok, I’m not a prince and I don’t rule anything.


BRIAR ROSE

You’re a fake! And you just expect me to go with you? Some guy, and I don’t even know your name, who isn’t even a real prince? And me, a princess. You are sorely mistaken mister!


PRINCE

Well, actually, you’re not a princess.


BRIAR ROSE

Why yes I am!


PRINCE

What I meant is that you’re not a princess anymore.


BRIAR ROSE

What?


PRINCE

Well, since you, and your whole family and everyone in this castle were sleeping, there wasn’t anyone to rule, so it was only a matter of time before a neighboring king came over and claimed these lands as his own.


BRIAR ROSE

Not King Humperdinck!


PRINCE

The very same.


BRIAR ROSE

Damn him to Hell.


PRINCE

He may well be there, he did die over eighty years ago. His descendants now rule the land. They actually do a pretty good job of it. There’s peace and prosperity.


BRIAR ROSE

Oh, that’s too bad.


PRINCE

Excuse me?


BRIAR ROSE

Well, it probably means that overthrowing the government would be unpopular.


PRINCE

Oh yeah, probably.


BRIAR ROSE

Do I at least get to keep the castle?


PRINCE

I’m sure. No one has set foot in this place till now. You know-


BRIAR ROSE and PRINCE

Because of the curse. (They laugh.)


BRIAR ROSE

Well, then I should thank you.


PRINCE

For what?


BRIAR ROSE

For coming here. For trying to wake me, even if it was unnecessary. No one else seemed to have cared.


PRINCE

You’re very welcome. And for the record, I think you don’t look a day over 18, 22 at most.


BRIAR ROSE

Thank you. And what is your name, kind sir?


PRINCE

Philip, but you can call me Phil, most people do.


BRIAR ROSE

It is an honor to meet you, Sir Phil. I am Briar Rose.


PRINCE

Really? Your name is Briar Rose?


BRIAR ROSE

Yes, my parents had a thing for flowers. They were also very specific.


PRINCE

It’s lovely.


BRIAR ROSE

You know, we now have to wake the castle.


PRINCE

What?


BRIAR ROSE

Everyone else in the castle is still asleep. We, or rather, I should say you, have to wake them.


PRINCE

I don’t understand.


BRIAR ROSE

Well my dear Sir Phil, you got your story half right. A kiss is needed to wake those in the castle, just not me. Princess loophole.


PRINCE

But, I…


BRIAR ROSE

Now come along, it’s time to be a hero. Pucker up, there’s a lot of kissing to do.


PRINCE

Oh dear.


BRIAR ROSE

You can start with grandfather and move on from there. Come on, you want to be a hero, don’t you?


PRINCE

Not that badly. (Long pause.) Oh, all right.


BRIAR ROSE

Got you! I was kidding. I’m pretty sure a cold bucket of water will wake everyone up.


PRINCE

I am so relieved.


BRIAR ROSE

Well, let’s grab a bucket and wake the kingdom. We’ll need all hands on deck to clean this place up, what with all the dust and dragon dung.


PRINCE

Wait, dragon dung?


BRIAR ROSE

Yes, from the dragon.


PRINCE

What dragon?


BRIAR ROSE

Are you telling me that you didn’t slay the dragon?

(A roar is heard offstage.)


BRIAR ROSE and PRINCE

Shit!



Lights out. The end.




David Foy Bauer, Margaret Fitzgibbon Glaccum, Directed by Cameron Stark


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